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<  Old Guesthouse  ~  OMGCrimbo!

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:43 pm
MemberPosts: 150Location: Bumfuckia IowaJoined: Mon Aug 30, 2004 4:22 am
length of string
This is a small length of cotton string that you took from a Crimbo Elf that was on strike. You could use it to string up a ham, or string someone along, but don't use it to store fixed length character arrays -- it's too thin and writing on it would be too difficult.

googly eye
This isn't, as you might have guessed, the severed eye of a striking Crimbo Elf that was taken out of the elf's head when he was in shock or surprised. Rather, this is a small, plastic, transparent disc with a smaller, black, and equally plastic disc inside. You could use this to anthropomophize just about anything. Well, anything corporeal. It'd be hard to attach it to, say, guilt, or agoraphobia, or something.

No, these aren't leftovers from last month's Feast of Boris -- this is a wad of soft, snugglable, humble, and lovable cotton stuffing. You could certainly stuff a tofurkey with this, if you wanted to do so. It would probably make it taste better.

You've never felt felt like this before -- Uncle Crimbo has it imported from Distant Lands. This stuff is softer than clouds, fuzzier than bunnies, and more durable than... well... tissue paper. If you carry this around with you, some wiseacre... err, no, I made that joke already. Never mind.

wooden block
Man, you haven't seen one of these since you were a wee adventurer. Made from pressed wood pulp, all eight sides of this thing have some sort of letter on them (not pictured.) If you collect enough of these, you could probably spell something lewd and put it in your campsite for all to see. Jerk.

toy wheel
This is a small, round, simple wooden wheel. You could use four of them to make Dutch rollerskates, or you could spin one near a painted pony, then ride the painted pony while the spinning wheel spun.

top (1Block + 1Wheel)
This thing reminds you of that Hanukkimbo dreidl you got last year. It's not nearly as cool looking, but it's rounder, so maybe you won't give yourself so many dreidl cuts as you did last year. Stupid sharp dreidls.

Type: combat item
Selling Price: 35 Meat.

rag doll (2Eyes + 3Stuffing + 2Felt)
This is a crude rag doll. It makes you feel like you're living in a movie. A movie about a bad boy (or girl.)

Hanging on to this makes you feel really tough.

Type: off-hand item
Selling Price: 106 Meat.

Enchantment: Muscle +3

eggnogtini (50 Meat)
This is a delicious mix of eggnog, vodka, and sour apple schnapps (for some reason). No, seriously, it's delicious. Trust me. Even though a delicious mix of eggnog and anything, even eggnog, is fairly unlikely.

You drink the eggnogtini. Well -- it's less like drinking it, and more like letting it slide down your throat in one big slimy piece. At least it tastes sweet.
You gain 4 Adventures.
You gain 3 Drunkenness.

You're all full of holiday cheer. And sugar. Holiday cheer and sugar.

You gain 6 Strongness.
You gain 7 Enchantedness.
You gain 7 Cheek.
You acquire an effect: Sugar Rush
(duration: 10 Adventures)

candycaine (75 Meat)
This is a mix of 100-proof peppermint schnapps and 100-proof cinnamon schnapps. In other words, it's like mouthwash on steroids.

You take the candycaine shot. The peppermint soothes your sinuses as the cinnamon sets them on fire. Phreeeeeow.
You gain 10 Adventures.
You gain 4 Drunkenness.

You're all full of holiday cheer. And sugar. Holiday cheer and sugar.

You gain 9 Beefiness.
You gain 8 Mysteriousness.
You gain 9 Chutzpah.
You acquire an effect: Sugar Rush
(duration: 10 Adventures)

braincracker sweet (100 Meat)
This drink mixes grenadine, corn syrup, pure cane sugar, and various hi-octane spirits. It's rumored that drinking one of these makes visions of sugarplums put on a burlesque show in your head.

You drink the braincracker sweet. It reminds you of the time you drank hot chocolate through a stalk of sugar cane, with a bunch of marshmallows in your mouth. Only sweeter than that.
You gain 14 Adventures.
You gain 5 Drunkenness.

You're all full of holiday cheer. And sugar. Holiday cheer and sugar.

You gain 9 Beefiness.
You gain 10 Mysteriousness.
You gain 9 Chutzpah.
You acquire an effect: Sugar Rush
(duration: 10 Adventures)

gumdrop chow mein (50 Meat)
This is a tasty chow mein dish, only instead of chow mein noodles, it has licorice whips. And instead of meatballs, it has gumdrops (which were probably stolen from a freakish talking cookie). So it's really nothing like chow mein and a lot like a bowl of warm candy.

You gain 5 Adventures.

You're all full of holiday cheer. And sugar. Holiday cheer and sugar.

You gain 6 Beefiness.
You gain 6 Magicalness.
You gain 5 Chutzpah.
You acquire an effect: Sugar Rush
(duration: 10 Adventures)

candy cane pizza (75 Meat)
This is a round chocolate disc topped with caramel sauce and powdered candy canes. Elves eat stuff like this all the time. And you wonder why they secretly want to be dentists?

You gain 7 Adventures.

You're all full of holiday cheer. And sugar. Holiday cheer and sugar.

You gain 9 Muscleboundness.
You gain 9 Enchantedness.
You gain 8 Sarcasm.
You acquire an effect: Sugar Rush
(duration: 10 Adventures)

gingerbread stir-fry (100 Meat)
This is a bunch of gingerbread cookies, gingersnaps, and black licorice, cut up and stir-fried in a festive holiday wok. Looks like the chef was wokkin' in a winter wonderland, as it were. Please don't throw up. Or anything at me.

You gain 16 Adventures.

You're all full of holiday cheer. And sugar. Holiday cheer and sugar.

You gain 10 Beefiness.
You gain 9 Enchantedness.
You gain 9 Chutzpah.
You acquire an effect: Sugar Rush
(duration: 10 Adventures)

You're fighting A Striking Factory-Worker Elf
This is one of the thousands of blue-collar elves that Uncle Crimbo exploits to make his toys. It strikes you that he's got a pretty lousy life -- he spends all day in a factory putting together toys, living on gingerbread and candy canes, always having to work on Crimbo Day. You feel a little sympathy for him, but that fades as he steps up to beat you down.

You're fighting A Striking Stocking-Stuffer Elf
This elf is in charge of stuffing stockings in the big sweatsho -- er, merry toy factory that Uncle Crimbo runs. Shoving toys into oversized socks day in and day out appears to have addled his brains more than a little bit. Not that anyone who eats nothing but candy all day is ever completely sane, that is.

You're fighting A Striking Pencil-Pusher Elf
This elf sits in a little cubicle all day long, pushing pencils from one side of his desk to the other. No one's exactly sure what he does, but everyone's just a little bit afraid to fire him. They do keep stealing his special red hammer, though.

You're fighting A Striking Gift-Wrapper Elf
This elf works ten hours a day, in unclean and hazardous conditions, wrapping gifts for Uncle Crimbo's sweatsho -- er, happy festive Crimbo workshop. You might not think gift-wrapping is a dangerous occupation, but then you've probably never had 50% of your body covered in 2nd-degree papercuts.

You're fighting A Striking Middle-Management Elf
This elf is stuck between the factory workers and the upper-management elves. He has to spend all day in a festive red-and-green cubicle, pushing paperwork around and making sure everyone properly fills out their Toy Production Statistic reports. He's doughy around the middle, but looks to have enough inner rage to beat you down.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 871Location: Richmond, VAJoined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 7:34 am
kite (1 String + 1 Felt)

All things considered, this is a pretty fun toy. I mean, c'mon -- it flies! The kite has many natural predators, such as trees, lightning, and angry birds, so keep it away from those things if you want to keep it. We recommend flying it only up in the atmosphere, where the air is clear.

Type: combat item
Selling Price: 29 Meat.

marionette (2 Strings + 2 Eyes + 2 Blocks)

This is one of those creepy dolls that hangs from a set of strings, which you can then skillfully manipulate to make the doll spasmically jerk around in a grotesque parody of human life. Sometimes these things are blessed by fairies and turn into real boys. What they don't want you to know, however, is sometimes real boys are cursed by fairies and turn into these. Since you can feel the mystical energy coming off of it, looks like this is one of the latter.

Type: off-hand item
Selling Price: 88 Meat.

Mysticality +3

tiny plastic Crimbo elf

Plastic and meat, plastic and meat... everyone wishes for plastic and meat.

This is a tiny plastic Crimbo elf, waving a miniscule plastic pair of dental pliers. Tiny plastic yetis beware!

The bottom of the base reads "Series 1C, 1/5 (C)"

Type: accessory
Selling Price: 30 Meat.

+1 to Familiar Weight

<bashy> I warmed up some noodles a bit too hot, and I burned my tongue pretty badly. I thought to myself, "Damnit, I burnt my tongue on hot pasta."

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