Hot Pasta (aka: Penne Alla Vodka)

1 lb pasta (spaghetti is bad for this, you need something sauce can get cought in, like penne, rigatoni, or shells... try all sorts of cool fun shapes)
3 small (8oz) cans tomato sauce
1 cup (1/2 pint) heavy cream
dried minced garlic
dried minced parsley
vodka sauce


In a small sauce pan, combine tomato sauce, garlic, and parsley. Add around 1 tsp vodka sauce. Stir well, and taste. You want the sauce to be just a fraction spicier than you'd like it to end up (the cream will later cut the hotness). Cover and simmer, stirring occasionally. Prepare pasta per package directions. Strain, dump back in pot. Remove sauce from heat, add heavy cream, stir, dump over pasta, stir well. Serve with grated cheese and maybe some garlic bread.

Vodka Sauce

Vodka (don't waste the good stuff, go for that cheap stuff that you wouldn't actually drink)
Crushed Red Pepper

First, find a good container. Small (1-3 oz), with a REALLY well fitting lid. Things like those little tupperware containers, babyfood jars, etc. Remember, TIGHT FITTING LID. Fill the container 1/3 to 1/2 with crushed red pepper. Fill the rest of the way with vodka. Cover. Shake. Let sit. This can be made way in advance, as it keeps forever in the fridge. When the vodka turns somewhere in the red/brown family, strain out the peppers, keep the liquid, dump the solid. Now, for the warning phase.... this stuff is basically pepper spray, as it's pepper oil in an alcohol base. Always wash your hands very carefully after contact because it hurts like holy hell if you get some in your eyes (or in a cut, or pretty much anywhere). Also, it's rather ultra concentrated, so a little goes a LONG way.

I bet mushrooms would be good in that pasta. But ill try that tonight, i have the ingredients. I adventured at the store yesterday.

Recently I've been eating... sausage chow mein! A packet of chow-mein flavoured ramen, together with some microwaved Lincolnshire sausages, cut up and mixed in. All in all takes about 5 minutes to put together.

Just as long as it's not KNOB sausage chow mein, Jez, that's okay

MMMMMmmmmm..... This are getting better everytime.

My old standby when I first started playing was boneless chicken breasts, covered in a mixture of frank's red hot and hidden valley ranch and thrown on the foreman grill. Make a bunch extra of the sauce and keep putting it on as it cooks.


Makes the grill a pain to clean, but is delicious!

MMMmmmmMMMmmmMMM

Dang nab it, now I'm hungry.

actually there was a while where that ranch and red-hot mixture was tried on anything me or my roomate ate.

Once while drunk he decided to do a shot of it....didnt end well.

Banana Walnut Stuffed French Toast.

You'll need:

1) loaf of un-sliced bread
2) bananas
3) chopped walnuts
4) brown sugar
6) corn flakes
5) french toast mix (substituting milk with vanilla soy milk is incredible)

Cut the slices of bread 2x as thick as normal. With a knife cut a slit in the side of the bread (enough to get your ingredients into without them flopping back out) Add banana slices and some brown sugar. dip the stuffed bread into the egg mix then into the corn flakes. Either cook on low heat in a pan or put them on a cookie sheet and bake at 350 (flip once). They are thick so it'll take some time.

The brown sugar will make them pretty sweet, so beware of how much syrup you use. I'd also suggest that instead of using maple syrup, you can use a strawberry syrup.

1) Buy wrong cake mix. Any mix will do, who cares about the founation when your castle is supposed to be among the skies?
2) Make cake. Do something else while it's baking, something really distracting like feeding newts or playing koL.
3) Realize it's angel food cake, which SUCKS as a foundation cake. Cut burnt edges off and feed to dog/boy/grad student nearby.
4) Cake, who needs cake? We just need frosting! Buttercream frosting: two sticks of butter, a ton of powdered sugar, a spoonful of vanilla extract, 3 spoonful of milk (preferrably the whole stuff, not the crappy nonfat stuff. Hey, you've got TWO STICKS OF BUTTER, let's not skimp on the fat in the milk.)
5) Frosted into subservience of a square. (This one is a 2 layer cake with apricot filling). Roll out fondant, drape carefully over cake.
6) Decorate as desired.

Best Bloody Mary Mix EVER

Pinch of Celery Salt
Pinch of fresh ground black pepper
1/4 wedge lime juice
Splash of Pickle juice
2tsp Worcestershire sauce
Sriracha (the stuff with a green top)(to desired hotness)
Tabasco Sauce (to desired hotness)
1/3 Clamato Juice (Clam/Tomato)
2/3 Tomato Juice
Vodka (to taste)

Shake it to hell and back

Garnish with a beef stick or celery stick...or both.

All measurements are for a standard shaker.

I usually add the Clamato juice to taste which is a bit less than 1/3.

Excerpt from Failed Slogans (from a very, very old copy of National Lampoon magazine...)

Clamato®: The Drink That Tastes Like Pussy!