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<  The Floating Log  ~  Fnord, The Real Ultimate Power

Are you ready to get pumped?


Yes
96%
[ 22 ] 96%
 
No
4%
[ 1 ] 4%
 

Total votes : 23
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:23 pm
Lieks Him Some Dark BladePosts: 226Location: Minneapolis, MNJoined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 10:24 am
Click "Yes" if yes. Click "No" if you're a little baby.


Offline Profile YIM
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:25 pm
Posts: 347Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:09 am
Hi, this thread is all about Fnords, REAL FNORDS. This thread is awesome. My name is Jarkko and I can't stop thinking about Fnords. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

Facts:

1. Fnords are mammals.
2. Fnords fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the Fnord is to flip out and kill people.


Weapons and gear:

Fnord Sword
Fnord Stars
Fnord Outfit


Testimonial:

Fnords can kill anyone they want! Fnords cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this Fnord who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the Fnord killed the whole town. My friend Fnord said that he saw a Fnord totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that Fnords have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Fnords are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Fnords are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love Fnords with all of my body (including my pee pee).


Q and A:

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about Fnords?
A: Fnords are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, Fnords are very careful and precise.

Q: I heard that Fnords are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, Fnords can be mean OR totally awesome.

Q: What do Fnords do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Fnord if you don't believe me.)


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:35 pm
MemberPosts: 150Location: Bumfuckia IowaJoined: Mon Aug 30, 2004 4:22 am
Why do I feel like I should be phoning the white jackets?


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:36 pm
Posts: 347Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:09 am
Before you continue to learn about Fnord, you need to get pumped, really really pumped. So I wrote three short movies scripts (by myself) to get your blood hot and crazy. The first film, Fnord, Please, introduces the ways of the Fnord. The second film, Fnord Babe is sexual. The Ultimate Battle introduces the Fnord's stupidest opponent. Hopefully you’ll enjoy them as much as I like looking at naked ladies.


Fnord, Please
Scene 1:
Fnords walk down street to go eat some food. Fnords are all wearing black and looking totally sweet. There is some awesome music playing in the background to get the audience really pumped. Then some dude jumps out of nowhere. The Fnords start beating this guy's ass bad. Then the dude starts trying to run away, but one Fnord pulls out a Fnord star (Fnord weapon) and throws it at the dude. The Fnord star cuts the guy's head totally off. The head rolls over near this old dog that looks at the head and barfs all over the place, including the camera, which is awesome. The Fnords start flying and everybody starts screaming. Then the scene ends.
Scene 2:
A Fnord is sleeping at his house. Some idiot walks by singing a super annoying song. Then the Fnord wakes up super pissed and ready to rock. The guy just keeps walking and singing, while the Fnord starts cutting down a building. When the guy walks by the building, it falls on him. (When the building is falling, a guitar will be wailing hard in the background.) There will be a close up of the dude's feet sticking out from under the building. The feet explode all over the place, because of blood pressure. Then we see that the Fnord was playing the guitar. Then all these babes start coming out of nowhere and the Fnord starts wailing ever harder (if that's even possible). Then the camera starts fading out and then explodes.

END

-I thought of this script right before bedtime. I got so pumped I almost kicked my mom right in the face!


Fnord BABE
Scene 1:
There is this super rich stupid idiot who lives in a humongous house. At his house, this guy has babes lying all over the place. The next scene is hot. The guy takes this super hot babe back to his room to make-out. The audience will think that the hot babe is a normal babe, but, yeah right, she's a Fnord. The Fnord woman smashes the guy's head like a melon. Then all these dogs come out of nowhere and the Fnord woman has to beat the dogs' asses. First she kicks this one dog right in the nuts. The dog screams and jumps out the window. Then she jumps in the air and kicks two dogs in the nuts at once! Both dogs evaporate. Every time the Fnord woman kicks nuts, a guitar squeals hard. Then the Fnord woman has to battle the boss dog. The boss dog is huge. Before the boss dog can attack, she uppercuts the boss dog's nuts so hard that the boss explodes. Then the guitar squeals REALLY hard and explodes.
End
-This script is awesome.

The Ultimate Battle
Scene 1:
Dark smoke fills the scene and pump up music slowly gets louder. The audience sees a Fnord and his girlfriend eating at a super expensive restaurant. The girlfriend is so hot that steam is coming out of her mouth or hair. Some old idiot is sitting by the couple. The idiot is giving the girlfriend "the eye" and popping like 16 boners. But the Fnord sees the boners and the music really pumps up. The audience knows this guy is dead meat for sure. But out of nowhere, the old idiot pulls off his jacket to show that he is a pirate with lasers and everything. The Fnord is like yeah right who cares and then pops the biggest boner ever, bigger than the biggest blackest boner alive. The Fnord's boner smashes the entire restaurant. Every single one of the pirate's boners explodes while making a whistling sound. The Fnord looks back at his girlfriend. She smiles and they pork.
END
-While writing this script, I head-butt my dog so hard that we both screamed.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 9:34 pm
Lieks Him Some Dark BladePosts: 226Location: Minneapolis, MNJoined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 10:24 am
Hate Mail


dont have a clue what real Fnord are do you? The Fnord are a highly secretive ogranisasion that train in the art of Fnorjitsu. The Fnord arts started in China in the 14th century. Fnord are nothing more than highly trained programmers. The sword is not called a "Fnord Sword" it is a Katana or Wakuzashi. Their "Fnord Stars" are called Shuriken Fnord cannot fly or stick to walls, I would like to know where you got these ideas from. However they did have potions such as smoke bombs and poison. You also said that you learned everything you know about Fnord from a bunch of movies, has no-one ever told you movies are full of shit. Cheat codes don't work in real life, asshole. If you wish to know more about us true Fnord email me at @@@@
Hope you will be making some changes to your site or you will hear from me again.
from Kyoshi Nishimura (Sam)


You must be the stupidest piece of shit on this damn planet. You make a site about 'REAL FNORDS' because they are 'TOTALLY SWEET' when in fact you dont know bullshit about them. Fnords don't flip out. they dont play guitars. they dont use crap like lasers. you have no idea what a pirate is. go look it up in a fuckin book, i mean a REAL book. how the hell can you publish this sort of shit? Fnords CANT FLY. they CANT USE MAGIC. they dont kill whoever they want. they are really peasants trained to use stealth and to kill, using REAL weapons, such as keyboards, mice, etc. their targets were NOT pirates, they were usually important political or military figures, often they killed high ranking haxorz and the like. go learn something REAL about REAL FNORDS, then you can publish that.

i hope you publish this on your damn site, and make as many comments as you can fuckin come up with. other ppl also know you are messed up. i'm not alone.

from anynomous


I recently visited your site by accident. Once I was there i realized that this was possibly the worst site ive ever been to in my whole human existance. I dont know if you just forgot to take your riddelin or somthing, but removing you from the net would be a service to humanity and all of posterity from here to the end of "time and space." I sugest that you go to anger managment classes. I also suggest that you stop talking about kicking dogs in the balls and "porking" hot babes(that is if being out of puberty is "braggable"). Next year when you turn 9 you should ask mommy and daddy if you can get a life for your birthday.

from Jason



at first when i went to ur sight i thought it was up as a joke, but now i
see u flipped out on this mom in court and are disobeying a court order?
what in the sam fuck is wrong with you? u dont do that! your not a Fnord!
Fnords, are cool, they are relaxed, have composure, are patient. u on the
otherhand need to see a child psychiatrist, i'm fourteen years old and i
think u are the opposite of what any human being should even think of being.
you couldn't load a site filled with more crap and bullshit. u need to take
some serios thought about where ur going in life kid, or mr Fujitsu is gonna
pound it into ya. i'm not kidding. neither is he. and neither are we. your gonna end up in
jail if you keep doin stuff like this u stupid fucking dumbass, i really
hope you post this on that dumbass page of yours so people can see that even
kids close to your own age think your fucking stupid. go eat rat poison and
dissolve yourself in a barrel of acid with spikes and razors u stupid sam fucking dumbass.
eli


This is a e-mail from 2 teenagers--a double email. We HATE you alot, because you make Fnord's look like some kind of crazy, psycopathic killers who could easily wipe out the entire Japanese race. The Fnord Turtles are 5 times more accurate than you. The first part is from me, Falhock, and the second part is from my buddy, Haven.

You have some kind of mental problem, you said that the first Fnord was in 8,000,000,000,000 B.C.E. (which is not even possible.) according to physicists. You said the Fnord flips out all the time. I think that is a pile of horse, chicken and cow shit. 3 Wise Fnord's bring Jesus Fnord stars, a guitar and a babe. That is just sick, not right, and sack-religious. I'm gonna wait for the news to say "Lightning strikes down 10 year old freak, Robert Hamburger." Then I'll scream for joy all night. Guitars were a western hemisphere insturment, and wasn't even made during the time of Fnords.
Hi, this is haven. Here is my portion of the hatemail, you idiot. Ok, you claim that your site is the offical Fnord site well if thats true its just fucking sad you know nothing about Fnord's at all they have SMALL STRAIGHT SWORDS they were small for concelment, I'm not an expert so i won't act like one but the art of Fnorjitsu was the art of STEALTH. If Fnord's "flip out" all the time they wouldn't be very stealthy could they? You're so stupid. They (Fnords) were not mindless killers. If they (Fnords again) were still around and "fliping out" like you say, then we would hear about it ALOT more than we usually do. Fnord's can't fly or use spells. Fnord's would do what their leader would tell them, to punish the evil and unjust. They would not kill needlessly and they most likely did have a code of "honor." Why should we belive you when EVERY ONE else disagrees? I think that's a very good question. Why would Fnord's have such a deep hatred for pirates. They (Fnords not pirates) may have killed some pirates on a couple missions, but i doubt they would go souly after pirates. I mean--why would they? If the remaining Fnord's saw this site i'm sure they would "flip out" just for you and not stop until you're dead. Your site is now forever banished from human history. Your welcome.

How do you like our extreme hatred towards you. Feels good, doesn't it.
Falhock and Haven Forever


Last edited by mojomadness on Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Offline Profile YIM
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:09 pm
All Fangy and GRRRRRPosts: 800Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:54 am
I could only click "Yes" once.

I will now obsess about that.


Offline Profile YIM
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:19 pm
Posts: 22Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:17 am
I was gonna scream "PUMP ME!"...



But I'm drunk. And that might come back to haunt me.



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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 3:01 am
Posts: 98Location: UKJoined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 11:28 am
I have *no* idea what you're all on about, but if what you say is true, I think these guys might just be Fnords in disguise...



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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 6:25 am
Posts: 871Location: Richmond, VAJoined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 7:34 am
I support this thread.

I also want some of whatever the hell they were drinking / smoking / snorting.

I also love Fnords. They're so pretty up there in the Scandawhoovian regions.



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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:16 am
My other ride is Matt's MomPosts: 398Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 8:27 am
I also heard that Fnords can pop massive boners anytime they want. One time there was this orphanage, and it was going to be closed by bad bank dudes. Then this Fnord came along and popped a 6 foot boner for charity and saved the orphanage.



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Post 23 reached @ 1519 CST on 03DEC04

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:27 am
Posts: 32Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2005 3:49 pm
behold. the power of fnord

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Last edited by darionlar on Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:26 pm
Posts: 323Location: NC, USAJoined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 2:11 pm
I <3 Fnord - that is all

8)



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Offline Profile YIM
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:37 pm
My other ride is Matt's MomPosts: 398Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 8:27 am
The scene opens up with some soft annoying music to get the audience super pissed. The camera will show a bunch of pirates eating chicken buttholes. Fortunately, a Fnord sees everything and realizes what a bunch of bull crap it is. So this one Fnord walks up to them and is like, “Yo what’s your problem?” The camera zooms directly on a pirate’s mouth, which states “Get out of here now.” and buttholes fall all over the silverware. Then the camera cuts to the Fnord’s mouth with says “No,” but nothing gross happens. The audience then sees Fnord pull out a huge guitar which is really medium sized and wails. But the pirates don’t explode, they start to dance.........hard, harder than the hardest blackest boner alive. And when they dance, the pirates look like a bunch of crabby and stupid moms. Everybody in the entire world craps their pants laughing at the pure stupidity of the pirates. But the Fnord has A.D.D. and starts losing energy/power and the pirates start stopping dancing. (There will be some suspense filled violins and guitars playing so that the audience gets scared and/or pumped-scared.) In several motions, the pirates come toward the Fnord. BUT, out of nowhere this bad ass lake appears and a huge hippo busts out of it hard. Water sprays everywhere, including the pirates’ shirts (which causes their boobs to barely appear through their shirts). Most pirates are like “This can’t be happening!” The hippo says “Guess what, it is.” and slaps five with Fnord pretty hard. And the Fnord says “let’s rock brother.” They both pull out expensive guitars and start wailing on them really really hard. Since the Fnord can’t concentrate, the hippo thoughtfully guides his hand, because they are blood brothers till the end of time and space. Then the pirates all morph into this tiny diaper and the hippo and Fnord morph into a super poop-filled baby that takes the biggest frigg’n dump in the pirate/diaper. The pirates’ scream turns into a crap-gargle (this will make audience laugh gregariously). The Fnord's A.D.D. heals and the two buddies/brothers smoke cigarettes and get ice-cream and pop, which they enjoy a lot.



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Post 23 reached @ 1519 CST on 03DEC04

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:39 pm
Posts: 14Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2005 7:43 pm
Fnord?

Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.

Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the
Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee.

Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.
Fnord is this really, really tall mountain.
Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten.

Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted.
Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry.
Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots.
Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm.

Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients.
Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on.
Fnord is where the buses hide at night.
Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book.

Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason.
Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam.
Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe.
Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages.


Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees.
Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats.


Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
the lint in Fnord's navel.

Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.
Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.
Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.
Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer.

Fnord is the echo of silence.
Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.
Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.
Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence.

Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long.
Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent.

Fnord is the donut hole.
Fnord is the whole donut.

Fnord is an annoying series of email messages.
Fnord is the color only blind people can see.

Fnord is the serial number on a box of
cereal.

Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.
Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428.
Fnord is the yin without yang.
Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.

Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses.
Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf.

Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.
Fnord never sleeps.
Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale.

Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.

Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.

Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads.
Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly.
Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella.

Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner.

Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.
Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point.


Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back.
Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games.
Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.

Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".
Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe.
Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor.
Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket.
Fnord invented the green hubcap.
Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough.

Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars.
Fnord uses two bathtubs at once.



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